Sad thoughts

How I wish I had skipped The Bump today. Then I would not have read the post about a toddler who died yesterday after having a fever of 105. He had been fine the day before-and now he's dead. I feel completely depressed and heartbroken. I cannot imagine the pain that these parents are going through-I'm crying and I'm close to vomiting I am THAT upset. His mom described him as a kid who knew over 50 signs and found everything funny.

For Thanksgiving this year, I will meditate on how thankful I am that Sophie is healthy. She's smart, she's perfect, she has not been sick a day in her short life. At least for now, she is healthy and safe.

I pray I never know that type of pain.

I know, I know...

I'm a horrible blogger. I know I've been distant, cold. I know I've let you down with my inconsistency. I promise I'll change-I'll do better, I really will try. Forgive me?

Now that we have that cleared up...

A friend from high school moved to town. Well, Spring Arbor really, but close enough. I saw her at church in the parking lot on the way in. I said, "...Court? Is that you?" and she said "Oh hi! Is this your church???" And then we sat together. She works at Jackson Coffee Company and today I went and visited her right before work (I work right across the street. Kitty corner.) And tomorrow morning we are going running together, and she shall get to know Sophie. I don't know why, but it somehow feels refreshing to have her here. I expect good things.

I saw a bumper sticker last night that made me really angry. It said, "Don't Drink and Drive. You may hit a bump and spill your drink." Have any of you watched Biggest Loser this season? She's voted off now, but there was a woman on there who's husband, 5 yr. old daughter, and 2 WEEK old son were killed by a drunk driver. Her whole family GONE in an instant because of an idiot's selfish decision to drink and drive. Those most precious to her-her children-her NEWBORN-dead. I cannot imagine the pain that she's been through, it practically makes me cry every time I think of it. When I read that bumper sticker I immediately thought of her-how badly would it hurt her heart to see this sticker? It was all I could do not to floor it and rear-end the car with the offending sticker. How can people be so flippant about something so horrible? Makes me feel ill. I need to change the subject ASAP.

God has been working on my heart in my attitude towards WWKids. See, I've been avoiding going into the classrooms for a few months now, just so burned out, sick of begging people to participate, sick of feeling guilty when spots weren't filled. So I prayed that God would speak to me and to change my heart. And he did. We were laying on the floor in Music, listening to Rich Mullins "Step by Step" (total Bible camp song right there!) and next to me the sweetest little girl is singing. Such a little voice, so sincere. In that moment I was reminded of why I began helping Lori out in the first place-I loved the kids! I wanted to help the kids know Jesus. So there you have it. Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me through that child. I doubt she knows what a difference she made just by singing a "cheesy" Bible campfire song.

My sweetie is changing. I can see it everyday. Her hair is longer and more "texturized" each day (I think it may become wavy in the back like mine). Sometimes I look at her body and think "she's getting so long-she's so tall!". Or I'll see how she goes from sitting to crawling, and to me it looks graceful and fluid like a child, not jerky and awkward like a baby. Her personality is blooming too. She's got a great sense of humor-she laughs at everything! She's so social. She's easy-going and laid back. She's very active and can play on her own for quite awhile (quite the independent lady!). She can recognize a few things you say to her. For example, if I say "Sophie, would you like some MILK?" she will make the milk sign. She also will clap (most of the time) when you ask her to. She's just...well, she's great! Here's a pic because I can't resist :)

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Macs?

I spent time everyday last week on the phone with the help desk, trying to get the computer in the student lounge to work. They switched it out, fixed it, and brought it back today. Come to find out, that it is NOT FIXED. It is not connected to the network (so no internet), it does not have Office on it (so students can't use it to write/print their papers) and it's not hooked up through the network to the printer. I'm so sick of that stupid thing.

At least the copy machine works or else I may just LOSE IT!!!

I can say honestly, from the depths of my soul: I loathe PCs and I love Macs. Simple as that.

A Good Rhythm

I go through periods in my life (maybe you do too) where I am desperately looking for ways to spice it up, be spontaneous, do things out of the ordinary. Then there are times like these, where I hit a good rhythm and am happy about it.

I feel like Kevin and I have finally found a good rhythm to our life with Sophie. She's changing quickly, that's for sure, but it's not so quickly that our lives are thrown for a loop. Sophie and I spend our mornings together, then she goes to daycare, and I go to work. We all join up at home later, Kevin and I make dinner, watch Wheel and Jeopardy, play with Sophie, Sophie goes to bed, Kev and I finish out the evening chatting, playing on our computers, or playing cards. There's a nice rhythm to our lives, and while some may find it boring I find it very comforting to know that tomorrow holds for me and for us.

It's so exciting watching Sophie change. Eight months ago she was yet to be born, and here she is today, able to clap her hands, laugh and play, and army crawl all the way to her room. It's incredible. I know I've been saying it for awhile but she is SO close to crawling. I watch her and I expect her just to take off at any minute. We've also had some moderate success with drinking from a sippy cup. I got a nuby brand one with a soft spout (almost like a bottle nipple) and she really likes it. She'll drink from it if I help her tip it up. I think she'll get the hang of it on her own in no time.

Here's a few pictures just for fun. Enjoy!

She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen :)

(Pic by Lori Tate)

Separation Anxiety

I maintain that being a mom up to this point has been pretty easy because I got lucky. I got a baby that sleeps. I got a baby that has a generally happy temperament. It's easy to make her smile and laugh, easy to engage her in a book or toy. She's content to be taken out in public-she's "portable". Sure, we've had some fussy times and long nights, but overall it's been easy, until now.

The kid is glued to me. She won't let me out of her sight. If I walk away, if only for a second, she cries. If I'm making dinner and Kev is trying to play with her, she cries until I come over. Here's a story two days in the making:

Yesterday she woke up before my shower so I had to put her in her bouncer in the bathroom while I hopped in. She screamed the whole time because I was behind the curtain and she couldn't see me. It was a miserable shower, to say the least. Not like the refreshing wonderful post-Jillian Michael's workout shower that I desperately deserved. Flashforward to this morning. She woke up again, after my workout and before my shower. Great. I put her in her bouncer, preparing myself for a repeat of yesterday when a thought dawned on me. I could bring her in the shower with me. Oh how I wish I had stopped that thought right there, told myself I was stupid, and settled for the fussing and crying for the bouncer. But noooooo, that is not what I chose to do. Being the loving mama that I am, I followed through with that though. Yikes.

I undressed her and we got in. She was okay. I washed my face with one hand. We're doing fine. I go to wash my hair-difficult with one hand, but do-able. I go to rinse my hair. Hmmm. Perhaps if I set her down she'll be fascinated by the drain and I can continue my shower with both hands? I set her down-and for approximately 1.5 seconds all was fine. And then she realized that I was not holding her. And then there was screaming. Loud screaming. In a stand up shower (showers have great acoustics!). I strained to listen above the screaming because I was sure that there would be a knock on our door, some kind neighbor who would be wondering just what the sam-hill was going on in here. So I picked her up again. And had to put her down a few more times in order to rinse and whatnot. Each time she went down there was crying. Loud crying. Suffice to say, this was one of the speediest and suckiest showers of my life.

(Note: Where I set her down there was NOT a bunch of water pouring on her face. I'm not a mean mama!)

Anyway, once we got out I lotioned her up and she was all smiles. Silly girl can't get enough of her Mama.

Which is why, I'm blogging like this:

Thoughts

These past weeks have gone by so quickly. It seem to me that summer was just here, and then it was gone in a twinkling of an eye. Today is so blustery and rainy that I have kept the blinds closed so I don't have to look at it. Isn't that sad? Sophie and I have spent the morning here in the apartment. My parents are on their way to pick us up, as we're all venturing down to Indiana to see Steph's game vs. Bethel. I'm excited to watch the game and I'm praying that the weather will clear up. My dad told me it was supposed to. Let's hope he's right.

I just got a little crazy in the kitchen. I made lunch, cleaned up the dishes. Normal. Then I decided to make Sophie some baby food. Here's the crazy part. I got out my adorable babycook, and added some broccoli. Then some frozen peas. Then I noticed that we had some frozen mixed veggies in the freezer too. So I added some of those (carrots, corn, peas, green beans). So now that's all steaming away together and will all get pureed when it's done. Let's just say, I hope she likes it! I shall call it Veggie Mash. Another note on the food front: Sophie has been chowing down on applesauce like it's her job. She loves it!

I'm reading my Bible again. I have not consistently read my Bible in over a year. Maybe two. It's been a long time. What happened was this: I used to read my Bible every night before bed. Then I got married and I had a whole other person to incorporate into my routine. We brush our teeth and such, say goodnight. Now I can't very well leave the light on to read while he's trying to sleep. And to read my Bible in another place is silly (in my mind) because in my bed, before I go to sleep is where and when I read my Bible. So, it went unread and truth be told, I didn't miss it. But then all of a sudden I did. So now, I read in my comfy chair while Sophie is napping or Kevin is on the computer at night after Sophie is in bed. A new routine that works for everyone!

In addition to my Bible, I'm also reading John Grisham again. I lurve him. Right now I'm reading The Firm, and it is totally awesome. After all these artsy-smartsy book club books, I fast-paced legal thriller was just what I needed. So, if you are in the market for a good read The Firm is it!